The grieving process begins the moment the loved one dies. The grief process can take from six months to five years depending on the relationship the griever had with the person that passed on. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler have researched the grief process and they have combined efforts to propose a five stage grief process.
Step 1, Denial: “The world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense” (Kubler-Ross). We are in such shock that we ask ourselves questions such as “how can I go on?” Denial will begin to fade away as you become stronger and better able to handle the fact that your loved one has passed on.
Step 2, Anger: You might feel anger towards a doctor, a teacher, a friend, or family member, you are angry with these people to try to find a reason for the loss of your loved one, you need to allow yourself to be angry or else you will not get over this stage. “It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger” (Kubler-Ross).
Step 3, Bargaining: “Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared” (Kubler-Ross). You tell God to take your life instead of your loved ones; you say anything to try to avoid the reality of your loved one passing on. By taking part in bargaining we only make ourselves believe the ‘if onlys,’ which will make ourselves think that we are in some way responsible for the death. After the efforts of bargaining we come back into the present and feel the roots of depression.
Step 4, Depression: “Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined” (Kubler-Ross). This is not the mental illness of depression, it is a depressing occurrence that we must deal with to be able to overcome the sadness.
Step 5, Acceptance: This should not be mistaken for the person feeling okay, “Most people don’t ever feel OK or alright about the loss of a loved one” (Kubler-Ross). This final stage of the grief process is about accepting the reality of the loss. It is very difficult to find acceptance because this means that this person is now out of your life forever. “We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves” (Kubler-Ross). These loved ones can never be replaced and there are constant reminders of them in your house, in the favorite restaurants they always took you, and when going to the beach that they enjoyed.
These stages are the basis of what a griever feels when they lose a person from their life. These stages intensify depending on the relationship the griever has with the person who has passed.
