Quotes on the Grieving Process

Here are a few inspirational quotes to help you heal during your grieving process.  Sometimes a simple quote can make all the difference.  If you or a family member is having a hard time during this process please reach out.

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 
― Anne Lamott

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” 
― Leo Tolstoy

“Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert

“You can not die of grief, though it feels as if you can. A heart does not actually break, though sometimes your chest aches as if it is breaking. Grief dims with time. It is the way of things. There comes a day when you smile again, and you feel like a traitor. How dare I feel happy. How dare I be glad in a world where my father is no more. And then you cry fresh tears, because you do not miss him as much as you once did, and giving up your grief is another kind of death.” 
―Laurell K. Hamilton

Grieve Not

Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you.
I loved you so-'twas Heaven here with you.
-Isla Paschal Richardson

I Am Not Gone

I Am Not Gone

I am not gone
I remain here beside you
Just in a different form
Look for me in your heart
And there you will find me
In our love which forever lives on

In those moments when you feel alone
Look for me in your thoughts
And there you will find me
In sweet memories that burn strong

Every time a tear
Forms in your beautiful eyes
Look up to the heavens
And there you will see me
Smiling down from God's glorious skies

By: Injete Chesoni

Death is Nothing At All

Death is Nothing At All

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it was.
Let it always be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

Poem by: Henry Scott Holland

To My Mom

This poem was shared with us from one of the families we have served.  There are many ways to cope with the grief of losing a loved one, sometimes it takes writing your feelings down on paper. 

To My Mom

Catherine I Havens

(Date of Death: October 5, 2009)

(Date of Poem:  October 5, 2010)

I can’t believe a year has gone by

My tears keep flowing, every day I still cry

A part of me died with you that day

And I don’t know if the pain will ever go away

I pray to God to give me strength to go on

To live my life for however long

And when it’s my time I hope I will see

Your beautiful smiling face looking at me

And we will be together again for eternity

All my love forever,

Kathy

I wrote this poem to my Mom on the 1^st year anniversary of her passing while I was sitting in my car at the cemetery, after visiting her grave site, and not wanting to leave.  The 1^st year since her passing had been very difficult for me.  At times, I didn’t know if I could stand the pain of losing her.  I just couldn’t let her go.  It wasn’t until the words to the poem I wrote that day started flowing through my head and I put them on paper that I suddenly felt a sense of calm and knew that it was OK to let go and time for me to move forward in my life.

My faith tells me she is in a beautiful place and with Jesus.  There’s a song called ‘I Can Only Imagine’ by Mercy Me and it speaks of what is the first thing we will do when we see Jesus’s face.

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?

Will I dance for you Jesus?  Or in awe of You, be still?

Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?

Will I sing ‘Hallelujah!’?  Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine!  I can only imagine!

Just imagine what our loved ones did when they first saw Jesus.  What a beautiful moment that must have been.  I can only imagine what I will do. 

 

Holiday Season

Christmas is a very difficult time of year when one has lost a loved one... We pray that whoever is feeling that loss this season has peace and love surrounding them...

 

For any family members who have lost a loved one in the communitites that we serve--our annual Service of Remembrance for Huber-Moore and Moore Funeral Homes will take place at the First Baptist Church in Bordentown, NJ on December 10th at 3PM. 

Veteran's Day

It took extraordinary courage, sacrifice, commitment, and most of all it took hope.  We want thank all the service men and women that sacrifice their lives and their time with their families. You are all very special and much appreciated!  Thank you from all of us at Moore Funeral Services. 

Touching short story by Lise Saffran

Take a few minutes to read this touching short story of the last summer of her grandmother's life... you may be able to relate to this.   
http://www.pw.org/content/why_we_write_in_the_presence_of_living_0

2011 Bordentown Rotary Golf Outing

Vince Schino, JD Moore, Carl Hasson, and Jerry Mountford represented Moore Funeral Services, Inc. at the 2011 Bordentown Rotary Golf Outing at Rancocas Golf Club on Monday.  What a good looking bunch! 

* With the exception of Carl Hasson (NJ Lic. No. 4180), all others photographed are unlicensed and unable to embalm, arrange or direct funerals in the State of New Jersey. 

The Funeral Directors Impact

The funeral is a tradition in our culture that allows us to mourn the loss of a loved one.  Without a memorial for the loved one, the grief process does not begin in a productive way.  It allots us a certain amount of time to mourn freely, but unfortunately, the funeral service is only the beginning of the grieving process.  It is important for families to get involved by making picture collages of the loved one and collecting memorable items to place around the funeral home during the service.  Trying to get the entire family involved can be difficult, specifically the men, but it is important to engage them.  The grief process does not end as soon as the funeral is over. 

A difficult time to be without a loved one is during the holidays, especially during Christmas, for those who celebrate this holiday, in which our funeral home holds a service of remembrance.  The families that have lost a loved one are invited to get together at a local church for a beautiful service where each family is presented a gold dove ornament with the name of their loved one engraved on it.  This is especially popular with the families that our funeral homes serve, because we are recognizing the pain that they are going through. 

Our funeral directors open themselves up for the grievers to be able to discuss what they are feeling during times of grieving, during and after the funeral.  Allowing grievers to show emotion for their loved one is important because we live in a society which tells them that it is not acceptable to grieve at other times during the year. 

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.   --Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

 

Memorabilia

Above is an example of a display that a family member would put in the funeral home during their loved ones service.  This one in particular, is for someones Mom or Grandmother.  This woman's hobbies seem to have been gardening, making jam, and cooking.  It is a nice touch to place items around the funeral home to reminisce about what your loved one enjoyed doing.  Another great idea is to put picture collages and picture frames, scattered around the funeral home, of all of your loved ones family and friends.  From personal experience, rummaging through old pictures is a great way to think about all of the good times that you had with your loved one.  If you are too busy making the arrangements, put someone from your family in charge of this task that was very close to the person who passed on.  This will make them feel like they are contributing and will help with their grief process. 

Happy Valentines Day!

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in sin, but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

The Grief Process

The grieving process begins the moment the loved one dies.  The grief process can take from six months to five years depending on the relationship the griever had with the person that passed on.  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler have researched the grief process and they have combined efforts to propose a five stage grief process. 

Step 1, Denial: “The world becomes meaningless and overwhelming.  Life makes no sense” (Kubler-Ross).  We are in such shock that we ask ourselves questions such as “how can I go on?”  Denial will begin to fade away as you become stronger and better able to handle the fact that your loved one has passed on. 

Step 2, Anger: You might feel anger towards a doctor, a teacher, a friend, or family member, you are angry with these people to try to find a reason for the loss of your loved one, you need to allow yourself to be angry or else you will not get over this stage.  “It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger” (Kubler-Ross). 

Step 3, Bargaining: “Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared” (Kubler-Ross).  You tell God to take your life instead of your loved ones; you say anything to try to avoid the reality of your loved one passing on.  By taking part in bargaining we only make ourselves believe the ‘if onlys,’ which will make ourselves think that we are in some way responsible for the death.  After the efforts of bargaining we come back into the present and feel the roots of depression.  

Step 4, Depression: “Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined” (Kubler-Ross).  This is not the mental illness of depression, it is a depressing occurrence that we must deal with to be able to overcome the sadness. 

Step 5, Acceptance: This should not be mistaken for the person feeling okay, “Most people don’t ever feel OK or alright about the loss of a loved one” (Kubler-Ross).  This final stage of the grief process is about accepting the reality of the loss.  It is very difficult to find acceptance because this means that this person is now out of your life forever.  “We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves” (Kubler-Ross).  These loved ones can never be replaced and there are constant reminders of them in your house, in the favorite restaurants they always took you, and when going to the beach that they enjoyed. 

These stages are the basis of what a griever feels when they lose a person from their life.  These stages intensify depending on the relationship the griever has with the person who has passed. 

Introduction

The reason why Moore Funeral Services, Inc. decided to begin this Blog is because we find that people have many misconceptions about the funeral business and the role of funeral directors.  We will be taking a deeper look into what people are going through when they lose someone that was in their life and what funeral directors can do to help.  This blog will also discuss, as well as many other subjects, funeral etiquette, things to say to a griever, and ways you can help your friend or yourself cope with the loss of a person in their/your lives.